Oh Crap... Haizz... Xian...

Xian... Everything has been bothering me lately... From school to assignments to family to life, everything is bothering me... Yesterday night when I lie on the bed and sleep, I hope I can forever don't wake up sia... I tell my Aquarius sis that 船到桥头自然直 but here I am keep thinking otherwise... Weeks ago, no, months ago, I tell myself 1 thing... Never to start doing that 1 thing. I controlled controlled and controlled but just weeks ago I just cannot control anymore... I did it... Now that I did it, haizz... It's too late liao... I can't tell myself nothing happened... I just can't... How is this thing going to end, I dunno... I don't want to think too much about it but I just seriously can't get it of  my mind... This is the thing that has been bothering me like mad the past few weeks... Haizz... What am I suppose to do :( Follow my heart? Follow my mind? Actually they are both telling me the same thing... But I'm telling myself no... Or maybe I should just continue doing what I am doing for now? I'm confused and stressed... Haizz... GG Kevan...

worthlessfool...

1st February

Start of a new month and guess where I was last night? Camping outdoors cause I don't feel like going home or a friend's house cause of some reasons... Yesterday I really didn't feel like going anywhere... After helping and teaching my friend the WEBS assignment, we went for a late dinner at Macs... After dinner was already almost midnight liao... They all went home and I started walking around Clementi area looking for a spot to camp... After walking for awhile, I saw a playground. It was under 1 of the HDBs in that area... I walked closer and saw under the HDB there was a girl lying on the bench and crying. After awhile a guy came and comfort her or something. I didn't stay around that area in the beginning cause I did not want that girl's crying to affect me so I actually walked around that area for awhile till they go off... After they left, I went to the playground. It was already around 1am then. I lie down and I just started crying :( That continued till around 3am+ - 4am+. When I finally stopped crying, I carried my bag and penguin and slowly walked back to school from where I was... I thought it would be a rather long journey but when I reach school, it was only like 5am+... The gates at hilltop area was still locked so I could not enter... So I continued walking till the MRT area. Luckily the gate there was opened liao... The whole school was dark and very quiet. There was nobody at all... I slowly walked back to hilltop area cause that's where my first class will be at... When I reach outside the class, the time was not even 6am yet... I sat outside class and tried to sleep... I manage to fall asleep but every time no more than 15mins, I would wake up... I thought by 7:30am the class would be opened cause that's always the time the cleaners would open the doors but apparently the were late today so they only reached at about 7:55am... I dunno but I think I'm getting sick soon... Feeling dam cold since last night... Hope I don't get sick ba cause there are a lot of things to be done during the weekend...

worthlessfool :(

Happy? Definitely :)

Yesterday was my birthday :) And I got to say, I was really very very happy :) There were many surprises installed for me :) Some I expected but mostly caught me off guard and I was really surprised and happy :) Most of the plans was done by a good friend of mine :) I really really can't thank her enough sia :) Anyway, yesterday was really a string of surprises installed for me :) First around midnight, I received a birthday message from my Aquarius sister :) There after I read a really touching Blog Post from that good friend who planned everything :) Weeks ago I really though everyone would forgot my birthday... Then days before I know some of them was planning something. But little did I expect that the plan that I though was made by only a few of them actually involve like half the class :) I seriously almost cried in class but I resisted myself haha :) But in the end I still cried... Cause I read a special dairy that 2 of my good friends/sisters prepared for me :) The things inside was really super touching :) But dam pai sei la cause 1 of my friend saw me cry... Today also have pizza treat from my PT haha :) That PT super nice sia :) Now typing this I also feel like crying cause I seriously am really touched by everyone :') I really want to thank that good friend over and over again sia for planning such a wonderful and unforgettable birthday for me :) I also want to thank all my friends for making my this 19th birthday so unforgettable. I really love all u guys now haha <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN :)

worthlessfool ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬

Happy? I dunno...

Another year has passed for me... Haizz... I believe most people would not remember today since Facebook won't be reminding them... I dunno if I can stay happy today cause something happened... But someone promised me she would make me happy today... Say the truth, I dunno if it'll work... But I told myself that even if it doesn't, I will still smile. I don't want to disappoint her since she said she planned it for quite some time already... Anyway I have only 1 wish this year. My only wish is for the impossible to be possible... I know its impossible but I'm still going to wish it anyway... I think I'm going to go sleep first liao... Hope later when I wake up my mood will change for the better ba.

worthlessfool...

Impossible? Confused...

Haizz... Something has been bothering me lately... Is something really impossible when u believe its impossible? I'm confused... Should I try something which I think it's impossible? even if its just that 0.01% chance should I go for it? I dunno... Why did I suddenly think of the impossible... Since its impossible, I should not even think about it so why am I thinking about it? Haizz... I also dunno what my stupid mind is putting me through... Always making me think of these kind of things :( Its just a matter of time I go crazy... Haizz... I seriously dunno what I should do now... Haizz... Why am I always in a dilemma... I'm afraid of making decisions... I'm afraid of making wrong decisions... Sometimes I really want to just escape from everything... Run away from everything now... I'm scared of all my decisions... I don't want to think of anything... I hate thinking about everything... I hate this stupid mind :(

worthlessfool...

Monday again...

Monday again... Time pass so fast sia... So fast 1 weekend over liao... Anyway today come school actually my mood was quite bad cause I know today will take back the results for the first speech for GenEd... I was expecting a very bad result cause I really screw up for that speech :( But luckily things was not as bad as I thought :) I got 18.5 out of 25 which was already much better than what I have expected :) But this time I must prepare my speech earlier liao... No later next week screw up again...

worthlessfool - 2

Expectations... Haizz...

Expectation is a real pain... The more you expect, the more hurt u'll get when things aren't up to your expectation... Haizz... Over the years, I start to expect lesser and lesser cause I hate getting hurt :( I hate expecting things but sometimes u just can't control but do so... Sometimes I really wish I can just lose all my memories I have... Forget everything that has happened to me before... No matter how much I look like I don't care about some things that has happened before, I know I still can't forget them... It left a scar in me... Now typing this there are also slight tears coming out from me... Haizz...

worthlessfool - 3 :'(